THE WAITING ROOM

A new chapter of creativity — 2021

There are an innumerable amount of analogies when it comes to what the cave represents. Plato’s Allegory, David and The Cave of Abdullam, Beowulf, for a start; Beowulf man… I couldn’t think of a better example, but we’ll go with it. In these stories caves represented a shadow of our true reality, a shelter for refuge from ever present danger, the deep rooted fears we hold tight to, and once we were to face it, we’d unlock another part of ourselves (Philosopher’s Stone). The cave generally looks like death and I might think to say that for most, the cave IS death. It’s where the monsters of the underworld lie, and dreams die. The cave is where darkness chokes out the light. With others, the cave is a period where you are refined, sharpened, pruned. The ego has no shadows to cling to, it’s forced to face the depths of it’s distortions. When there are seasons of our lives when we’re inundated in a constant stream of darkness, doubt, monsters and fear; we can at times find solace in the silence of obscurity. In my despair and darkness, I was being transformed. Not knowing into what or who, but during the process my despair transitioned to hope (you’re still alive right?). The fears of the darkness never ending started changing into incoming success that I knew was inevitable. When this transition happens, it’s no longer a cave that keeps you bound. I realized that I was being prepared for a moment that is far greater than I could have ever fathomed. When the darkness welcomes you, turn towards it, face it. Welcome it. This is The Waiting Room.

Have you ever been dying, and not known it? The question is rhetorical, we’re all dying. Yet, some find a balance where they’re able to live as they die. Have you found it?

In 2021, I had two major realizations. The first was that the podcast I started in 2015 failed ( at the time I felt that way). The second was all this social ladder climbing , “network building”, and the paying of your dues in rElATi0nShiPs is BS. This is the life where you go through different industries and let people grab you by your collar, own your life and tell you what to do because their title has more social status than yours (human to human they’re better than you): have an attractive follower ratio, be friends with a couple of verified accounts and have the appearance of expertise (tHo0ugGhT l3aDerR). “Please, everyone validate me and my work” social credit score. I digress…

The last ten years of my life were spent building skills, networking and meeting hundreds of people. By the end of the 10 years I was broke, friendless and depressed. The primary issue was that I was living life on the surface. We live in a society of validation, “choose your role and stick with it.” “The podcast guy with the hot takes”, “the videographer that works with (insert name)”, “haven’t you been recently directing videos for”, “don’t you play drums?”, “nice shoes”, “you’re the guy, who knows the guy that hangs with that other guy that does reaction videos to reactions…” There’s nothing wrong with being known for something, but who is it that is truly shaping what you are “known” for? It’s easy to lose who you are when you’re focused on what you’re known for. That’s what happened to me; accepting labels that identified me, I lost who I actually was, my humanity, my soul. There was a shift occurring in me that was more focused on the actions that will later define me. The detachment that ensued was the ego’s experiences of the past, losing ground to new character traits that desired to sprout and take place —Maturity.

In society’s industrial space you are an identity, a title. It is static and defined. You are this character, with these traits who cannot step out of the boundaries of that which has been prescribed for you. Some people don’t mind aligning with this system because there is perceived safety in what is routine. THIS IS A LIMITATION. There are actions or traits that help identify you, but they do not fully define who you are. On the hierarchy of feudalism, there lied the monarchy, nobles, knights, merchants, and peasants at the bottom. You’re telling me I have to accept an inherited life of peasantry?! Nah, I’m good. What if I have the innovation of a merchant, courage of a knight, the relationships of nobles and the wisdom of a monarch? REFUSE TO ACCEPT THE BOX. In the depth of your soul, you have a wealth of identifiers; you are multifaceted, complex, special and unique. The only caveat is, if you choose this path, you won’t be accepted; you don’t fit the prescribed role. Ok, one more caveat; to truly see yourself as special, as a lifestyle, you must continually extract these hidden gifts from the depths of your soul; one of the hardest pursuits you will ever engage in. So, it’s a choice.

When I sat in my depression reminiscing on what didn’t work out, I was presented with two invitations: If I was to step on enough necks while allowing enough feet to step on my neck, I would at some point find some version of success….to someone. The other invitation was the cave. In the cave I would find the shadows behind identities I held: fear, shame, guilt, ignorance, anger, deceit, anxiety, envy, slothfulness and associations. This invitation implored me to look inwardly at what would define me rather than external validation. And the trade-off? I would find, resilience, curiosity, courage, perspective, humility, discipline, persistence, leadership, appreciation, gratitude, GOD. A perspective that would grant me the opportunity to clearly see life and death. Death is comfort, stability, safety, routine, conformity, rigidity, selfishness, cowardice. Life is the unknown, because life is unknown. Life is asking the question of “what would I become if I faced what was inside me, that wants to hold me back?” Life is embracing all things, the pain, the ugliness, the stains that prompts you to think, “I wonder what I can gain from this season of suffering?” — PURPOSE. Life never stops, so why would you think that anything you’ve done is enough? The day after today will always be tomorrow.

This space is for sharing the process into the darkness, conquering fears, and walking into the light on the other side. What it might look like to be in a season of “waiting”. An accountability partner. For those who are intrigued enough to seek within, you are now presented with an opportunity to join in on a journey: MORE IS CALLING — this is your formal invitation — ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE. We are being refined in our solitude; Welcome to The Waiting Room.